Hydrocarbon Zombies, a poem

(This post is part of the Sustainable Living series)

HYDROCARBON ZOMBIES

In ages long past, dead plankton sank deep
Buried under rock strata in eternal sleep
Now raised up with modern technology
A new type of “scientific necromancy”
The risen dead, refined with human skill
Are combined into polymers according to our will
Transformed into limitless forms by our imagination
A plastic product for every situation

Ubiquitous servants in our modern lives
Containers for drinks and mealtimes
Carriers for everything we buy
Proper disposal? Some don’t even try
Tossed aside: out of sight, out of mind
Out into the world for the unwary to find
These synthetic materials won’t biodegrade
Lurking for centuries, a new kind of undead

Blown by wind and washed away by rain
Gravity draws them down to the ocean
Drifting on currents, these inanimate killers
Wander beyond the awareness of their creators
Joining the lost and hungry ghost nets drifting
Spending their afterlives preying on the living
Terrors unknown since Earth life evolved
Are now everywhere encountered

No escape for victims entangled and bound
Hundreds of crabs in a plastic grave found
Choking and starving those who engage in consumption
Of this fossil fuel fake instead of real nutrition
Once in the sea, it will never depart
Becoming microscopic as it falls apart
Into countless fragments circling the gyre
No fiction: the zombie apocalypse is already here

[-CH2-CH2-]n (repeat)

WH40K setting background speculations

The Warhammer 40,000 universe has fascinated me ever since I discovered it on the Internet some years ago. I don’t play the tabletop wargame and don’t intend to, due to the money and time investment required. The setting and background have a lot of potential due to the blend of fantasy and sci-fi elements, but at the same time, there are tons of plot holes.

Of course, a lot of the plot holes are due to the setting existing simply to give flavour to a tabletop game. Basically, it’s completely optional and is just there to give a theme to an army of tiny plastic soldiers. Many things in the background were never intended to be part of a coherent narrative, so you have things like:

• Great Crusade: “1,000,000/200 = 5000 worlds conquered per year”
• Primarchs: “They’re fairly flat characters, but they come from a time when their only purpose in the game setting was to be ancient heroes and villains from the long-long ago.”
• Names: “Ferrus Manus (Iron Hands in Latin) of the Iron Hands Legion”
• (above quotes from THE BRIEF AND HUMOROUS HISTORY OF THE HORUS HERESY)

To the above-noted issues, I would like to add my own speculations / fanwank:

Cicero trilogy relationship chart (贵圈真乱)

This is a very belated post about the “Cicero trilogy” by Robert Harris, consisting of the books Imperium, Lustrum and Dictator. The sub-structure is 6 novellas (2 per novel) approximately tracking Cicero’s political career: Senator, Praetorian, Consul, Pater Patriae, Exile, Redux.

This is historical fiction, not alternate history, so it’s not really possible for me to spoil the overall plot or ending. However, some events are heavily extrapolated by the author so there might be spoilers for those parts, especially the circumstances surrounding the Catiline Conspiracy in Lustrum.

So here’s the Character Relationship Chart I drew up after reading the trilogy.

• Lines: Red for blood relationship, green for marriage, blue for other relationship.
• 1st and 2nd Triumvirate members marked with upright (^) and inverted (v) triangle respectively.
• Catiline Conspiracy members marked with orange square. This is based on the novels, mostly the author’s fictional speculation rather than actual historical evidence.
• Green plus (+) for political allies, red cross (x) for political enemies.

Click to enlarge. Original drawn on A4 sheet.

Even with this mess of names and lines, many characters and relationships were left out because I ran out of space. Also, many relationships changed over the years, which I had to summarise in a single short phrase.

我只能说，贵圈真乱。不管是古罗马还是中国各朝代，都是如此。

Lyttle Lytton-inspired anagram microfiction

The winner of the 2017 Lyttle Lytton Contest is hilarious:

1.  YOU, the Anagramancer, stare down the invading MANTICORE: Will you ROMANCE IT (turn to 123), give it CREMATION (turn to 213), or summon EROTIC MAN (turn to 312)?

Stephen Wort

The correct option would be to summon EROTIC MAN(!) to ROMANCE the manticore. They have really bad meat breath, you definitely wouldn’t want to kiss one.

OK, following the above format, here’s my scenario. Instead of a ‘cremation’ spell, let’s have the standard ‘fireball’:

You cast FIREBALL but the spell backfires! Roll a D4 to find out what happens:

1. You end up casting BRIE FALL. A rain of cheese ensues.
2. You are transformed into an ELF LIBRA. Your alignment is now True Neutral.
3. You are teleported to a RIFLE LAB. You may get your gun upgraded for a fee.
4. You experience BILL FEAR* as you recall your excessive expenditure this month. A -2 penalty applies to your next action.

*Like ‘bill shock’, but it’s a sense of impending doom before you even see the bill

Art or self-indulgence? A scene from “Town Boy” by Lat

I have been wanting to share this scene ever since I first read “Town Boy” by Malaysian cartoonist Lat. Context: Art lesson in an all-boys secondary school. Hormonal teenagers + teacher talking about nude drawings = “art” consisting of scantily-clad bombshells.

Click the thumbnails to view the full size scanned images:

Two-page spread:

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